A Bittersweet Year

So far 2015 has been a pretty fabulous year! I am hitting my stride as a Mom, have a fantastic social circle, and after almost 2 years of scraping a bit to find work I have a few regular projects on the go now. A few things are still slightly shadowing my happiness however.

Today marks 1 year since my Gran passed away. Having Babygirl has kept me busy building my new family and she was a great distraction during the highly emotional ordeal of packing up Gran’s things and selling her home.

I still haven’t been able to drive past the old family home since it’s been sold and the few times I’ve driven through the neighborhood I’ve felt overcome with sadness. Memories are everywhere. I guess – I hope – this will get better with time but for now it’s still very hard.

Hardly a day goes by when I don’t want to talk to Gran. To ask her questions about how I should raise my daughter or just about things going on.  She did an excellent job raising me and I know she would be happy about how I am handling being a Mom….but I still wish she was here to see it. Sometimes I regret waiting so long to become a Mom so she could have been part of it – but deep down I know I made the absolute right decision and it wouldn’t have been the right time for me had I done it earlier.

There are things about Babygirl that remind me so much of my Gran – some of her expressions and how nosy she is 😉 This is a good thing though, her memory lives on and we actually have a little laugh when she gives us one of Gran’s looks.

I will make sure Babygirl knows all about her Great Grandmother and I will make sure to raise her with the same care and concern that Gran raised me. So far I feel I’m doing a good job. Gran would be proud!


2 thoughts on “A Bittersweet Year

  1. i felt like crying as I read that. All I can say is that I think you’re pretty amazing, and your Gran would have been so proud about your journey through motherhood. Big hugs!


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