It is with deep sadness, but also extreme relief, that I feel I need to break up with you. It’s not you – it’s me. Your method sounds perfect for some, but you’re not the one for me.
You forgave me a few weeks ago when I admitted I was going to break one of your rules and hang more instead of folding, and that was kind of you…but I feel that the rest of your rules are a little too rigid for me as well. I have tried – hard in fact. I’ve tried to dive in head first on a few different occasions, even bending the rules a bit by starting in different areas of the home, and taking breaks. The pep talks I have given myself are overruled by the voice in my mind that tells me this isn’t for me.
I have admitted before that I am a bit of a hoarder – but wait – I do often find uses for things I hold onto, and truly believe that re-reading my books, old journals, old work material, and even scraps of paper I still have from 20 years ago, helps me to be the creative person I am today. Words ignite sparks in me. I have boxes of clothing that even if I could snap my fingers and magically wake up 4 sizes smaller tomorrow I wouldn’t want to wear, but since fashion cycles every 20 years my daughter may LOVE them. Maybe she will wear them, or maybe they will spark a creative project in her.
I’m reminded of 20 years ago when I was a teenager and my Mom offered me 4 pairs of knee high boots in different heel heights and colors that she had worn, and kept, from when she was a teenager. I wrinkled my nose and said ‘who the heck would wear those?!’ so she got rid of them. Fast forward a year or so to me shelling out over $200 to buy 2 pairs of knee high boots which were practically identical to the ones she had offered me. Lesson learned…and apparently never forgotten.
In this age of Pinterest we can learn to re-use almost anything in our house – and should be encouraged to do so both to help with saving money and to assist in unleashing our creative sides. Old clothes can become new clothes, or at least patchwork blankets. Art supplies and empty jars, cans, etc can be used in multiple other ways as well. And have you seen what they’re doing with milk crates and old wooden pallets lately?!
I admit I am still intrigued by your claim of feeling an incredible release, and an increase in creativity upon purging items and not having too much ‘stuff’ and yes, maybe that would work for me. My creative side has had NO problems sparking as of lately so perhaps clutter isn’t a problem for me there…as for the release, well I’ll have to find that some other way.
But the stress – oh the stress – feeling like I HAVE to get rid of everything and that I’m ruining my life by not being able to let go…I know that’s not your intention to make me feel like that – but I do. It was last night I ‘woke up’ and realized that things are working for me, my creativity is as high as ever, and I need to concentrate on being a Mom and doing good work these days – not to spending time stressing and crying over ‘stuff’ that is actually just fine where it is right now.
My last post was titled ‘my mess is waiting to be a masterpiece’…but maybe it’s not waiting for anything. I think it’s a masterpiece just the way it is. The calmness I feel right in this moment, knowing I have let go of organizing and purging, tells me that I am likely right.
Maybe in a few years I will return to you for guidance, but at this point in my life I think we need to take a break. Go on, find other people to love you – so many already do.
One happy cluttered creative